How to re-write your own history in 5 minutes

I have 5 minutes until the kettle boils. It's 6:40 ish, and my sinuses are grating like sandpaper. Lying awake at 4:23, I turned over a few things in my head- the usual... reflecting on the strange dream that preceded my awakening (it featured antique leather boots for women) and the task of rewriting my entire mythology in the context of youth culture and consumerism, as it was originally written back in 2005, but which I decided to abandon in favour of positivity and community spirit. I was relieved to be able to get back to sleep for once. Usually I just lie there until 6:25, when I drop off 5 minutes before the alarm goes off. Nobody is interested by positivity- as Tolkien said it makes for good times but lousy storytelling. Thus I am returning to something meatier, that people might actually notice. Radio 4 have made an entire career out of doom-saying.