I have chosen to have a difficult life. You have opted to conform and to consume.
I have chosen a job that does not pay any money, whose only purpose is
to contribute thoughts, objects or images to humanity. Nobody asked me
to. It means that I lay awake at nights, once the alcohol has worn off,
panicking about how I will pay the bills for the things that I have
bought to facilitate my integration into conventional society. These
things, like food, heating, clothes, mobile phones, computers etc all
help me to behave like a normal citizen. Without them I would be an
eccentric hermit living in the woods. You have these things in
abundance, according to the hours that you dedicate to your chosen
employer. The employers' activities make them money, and filter things
for us to buy or use into society.
The pain of everyday life I have to anaesthetise with alcohol or
solitude. Having seen through the cracks of reality that have begun to
appear in the opiate veils of society, I am trapped by my awareness. It
has robbed me of my freedom. I feel for my children sometimes. At better
times I pin down the fears of midlife crisis with the thought that my
achievement in this world can be measured by the individual thinking or
questioning of convention that my offspring are beginning to display.
Usually however the guilt and listlessness associated with constant self
questioning erode my belief in the chosen path, and I find myself
poring over Sainsbury's recruitment pages.
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